dandylions

i don't speak i don't want to speak.
when i move the world sways.
when i get worked up it bucks.
it's confusing and loud.
i know there are people around me but
i can't see their faces.
i try and look but my eyes
don't do what they're supposed to
veer away on my way to connecting.
i get frustrated.
i need things in grids or i get worked up.
why can't everything just be organized?
why does it have to make me start screaming?
where does the screaming come from?
i don't have a voice i mean.
or at least one i know how to use.

once the world stopped swaying and
i could get my feet under me.
it was held down by an anchor.
the anchor was yellow and looked fuzzy.
i pinched it secure between my fingers
and pulled it up and looked at it for
a long time. eventually i heard what
the woman was saying. "brandon? do
you like it? do you like the dandylion?"

i started to eat it.
the woman grabbed my hand. i dropped it.
i looked at it for a long time.
"you can't eat dandylions, okay?"
the world started swaying again.

but i just wanted an anchor