a giant eclipse

i probably looked dead behind the eyes but

actually i was still in the process of a)

hanging myself

b) splitting my wrists

c) giving myself concrete shoes

d) sticking a fork in a socket

e) drinking a bottle of advil

f) spilling heavy metals in my scrambled eggs

g) sticking my head in an oven

h) or a microwave

i) dousing myself in gasoline and lighting myself (like) a match

j) taking a pistol to my temple

k) or my chin

l) or the roof of my mouth

m) taking elliott smith to heart (or rather his knife)

n) drinking hydrofluoric acid

o) depriving myself of food

p) or water

q) throwing myself off the golden gate bridge

r) standing under a tree in a thunderstorm

s) swimming in an avalanche

t) feeding the tigers (with myself)

u) pointing a gun at a police officer

v) running my car into a brick wall

w) cannonballing into a bucket of razor blades

x) or possibly just eating them

y) taking vicodin AND celexa AND clonazepam AND johnnie walker

z) eating the wrong kind of caterpillar

someday i will find perfect despair

and i will tell him

that i would like to annul the adoption papers

because i no longer want to live

with his twenty-six younger brothers