everything i liked has gone quiet

you can take your middle school and celebrate
in some faraway grove that i will not be able
to visit until i have something to celebrate
i miss not worrying about anything
i miss the things that happened before middle school
or late into the night

i am not hamlet. i do not reek of anorexic
sexual amusement. i do not cause ophelia's suicide.
i quietly hold her head under the water and watch
the flower petals drift downstream and
when they have all floated away i gaze benignly
at the reflection of my own inconsequential smile.

the last time i was with people i knew
i seem to remember being totally alone

i'm just waiting
for horses' teeth to tear gaping wounds in my palms
for the right moment to commit a disgusting crime
for you to use me to whatever ends you wish
and then command me with an uncontrollable giggle

to hang my arms from the walls of elsinore castle
my tongue from the space beneath the dragon's eyes
my lungs above the half-empty cases of bullets
my ribcage on a plaque like some hunting trophy

and my heart from a chain around your neck