july 4th

i am talking about things i don't like
and i am acting like someone i am not
it's strange and sort of scary

i see my cousin and her "friend" by the volleyball net
she leans on him
i wish you were here to lean on me

there are chocolate-covered strawberries on a blue-checked plate
i know you like them
"do you want one?" i do not ask

watching fireworks, i am intensely conscious of
the empty space next to me
(there is actually a paper plate there)
it brings me down

i watch the spinners and the fireflies
i wonder which one you would like best

it's windy and i'm cold
if i were blocking the wind for you, i wouldn't mind
as it is, i mind

"are you all right?" my mother asks
"i miss her" i do not say
my voice reminds me that i am alone

i wish you were here
i think you'd like it
i know i'd love it